Frayed Edge

Paradise in my own back yard

2006-05-22T07:20:00.000-07:00

What blooms when you plant a bowling ball! FUN! Who cares! I have bowling balls, and an empty pot in the back yard and that bowling ball belonged there.
I found paradise, I find it every year in my own backyard. Along with everyone else who plants themselves in a small patch of dirt with a cold drink, you find an hours peace and bit of paradise.
Mine however involves brightly colored wind toys, and my favorite sparkly things. Do my neighbors mind that I draped mirrored garlands through the trees? I hope not, but what those sparkly thing block is the view of the house across the street, and even better is a view of a dumpster! No one will mind if I have included a few flower pots of geraniums.

I am not the gardener I used to be, but I do love my back yard. I am blessed to have a swimming pool, I love it. When I was a little girl my fantasy house had a pool in the backyard. This is no fantasy, it is expensive and a lot of upkeep. But I love floating with a book in one hand and a frosty beverage in the other.

Husband could close the pool in a minute, I fight for it. And this could be the last summer, we may get rid of it all together. It is almost as old as the house, and really needs major renovation. The decision is to remove, or renovate. That is a question of $$$$$.

We all have those 'frayed edges' I have smoothed mine with a 4 foot spinner, and few funky wind toys and lots of sparkly things. Spring is here, I have been lovingly taking care on my frayed edges, and my bit of paradise helps.

The artist in my expresses in my space. All my space

Time to Take down the Christmas lights

2006-04-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

After Easter is the right time ot take down your Christmas lights, Right? I took mine down today. Well I should explain, I love lights and if it were up to me, I would have my house light up like "A Christmas Tree" all year long. But I live in a respectable neighborhood, and like my neighbors enough that I don't want them to talk about me. So outdoor lights are rare at my house, but inside. You bet.

For a long time I had several strings of chili pepper lights across my dining room window. It added a festive air to dinner parties. Late last year husband and I changed the chairs so the chili pepper were moved to the kitchen window, where they cheer the cookbooks and kitchen aid mixer.

It was almost winter and I wanted a festive window treatment, but could not decide on what to do. I bought the guadiest holiday garland, sort of an ugly silver frosted tree branch with tiny lights. Then I gusied it up with LOTS of beaded swags and sequined 'sprays'. I completed the winter scene with strings of tiny mirrors that were strung on invisible line, and 'wait for it' crystal prism's. The entire dining area would sparkle in the late afternoon. Sparkly soothes the frayed edges in winter.

We did have a definitely winter feeling, so as I was purchasing outdoor furniture this weekend I decided that it was time to change the window decor. I found some happy summer lanterns and pretty flowers to adorn the window. The pictures are a panoramic view. I moved the mirrors to the sliding glass door. I could not make them totally go away.

Summer Body Summer Meals

Time to cook in a for a summer weekend, today I made BBQ lamb, and rice. I needed a simple meal as I am trying not to eat too much. We had a salad too. This week I cooked for a funeral, I don't want to cook for any more funerals. I told the rector at my church no more funerals! This was for a friend and his mate of 44 years.

I sort of don't want to cook at all. Or eat.

Feeling pretty good about myself when I got into a pair of slacks that didn't fit a month ago. But there is Ben and Jerry's in the freezer. But I am strong! I know I am. Back to the healthy eating campaign tomorrow. I dragged out the husband for a quick walk, 20 minutes. Better than nothing and he walks fast!

I am planning to lose 8 pounds by Memorial Day. That is my promise to me. I think I got it this time. If I have to step up the exercise, I will, maybe get the bike out. Oh well. What else to I have to do, except focus on me and my frayed edges. I figure if I slim down those frayed edges will have to smooth, just because they are not sticking out so far.

Goals for the week, exercise everyday. I didn't do that last week, that is the goal. It is Sunday night, that routine includes laundry and a pedicure. Routine makes the frayed edge, smooth, as a new week of new challenges begin.

Experiencing Easter

2006-04-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

Spring and Easter- I usually find fresh starts for myself right about this time of year.

Towards the end of winter I find myself deep in the winter quiet, it is almost like being in a dream-like sleep. I am not wanting to wake up just yet, but I am longing for the cold to go away and to see the new life of spring emerge.

Spring is here, Easter is here, and new life is all around me. I love listening to the birds gossip every morning while I sit and write in my journal. I am a avid 'morning pages' person. In the morning everything is fresh, full of potential. Combine that with the opportunity to open the kitchen door, listen to the birds and see the flowering trees, that is a awfully strong incentive to find a fresh start for your self.

I have tried to observe Lent this year in a traditional sense; I 'gave up' chocolate and other sweets. Today being Good Friday I did a little self evaluating of that observance. I rated myself at 80 percent; then asked myself if giving up anything for lent allowed for only doing it 80 percent of the time. I don't think so, you either give it up, or not. But my observance was more than denial, I wanted a chance for observation. I wanted to see what I would fill my time with if I chose not to eat chocolate. - And I can eat some chocolate.

I chose denial of a favored item for several reason, one it would be a challenge, I could eat chocolate all the time- as my clothing was telling me. And that was the second reason. When your fat clothes get tight, something better change. So Lent is an opportunity to make changes, and try something new. I am feeling better for not indulging, and truly examining my reasons for overeating. I am pretty disciplined in many other aspects except eating and exercise. So a new practice has been started, and I hope it to be something I continue to live with - that is a good thing.

Food is my life, my passion, I am a chef ! But how to you manage this passion and not let it overwhelm you.

That, I certainly don't have an answer for yet, but I am thinking and acting a lot about it. Passion and desire, can I enjoy both, without, - here is the challenge -indulgence. Is the enjoyment in the passion and desire, I have to work on that.

But back to new starts- Easter is that new start, spring is a new start. I have a few new starts. I have started not one but two new jobs. I am not sure about either of them. One is familiar, - I am teaching again; the other is truly a new experience. New people in both, some familiar faces. When I left my last place of employment the first words out of my mouth were, " I never want to work for anyone ever again!" That was almost 8 months ago, and I haven't worked for anyone other than myself. Even now with these fresh starts, I am drawing a line of what I will and won't do. I haven't sought out a new job, just for a jobs sake....Except at one point an income is important. So a fresh start is happening for me and I do have a lot of uncertainty about all of this.

It has been almost 2 months since my mother's death, since that day I have tried to see myself at this time with a lot of observance, knowing that I was in a transforming period. Is this new work life part of the transformation? Sure, all of it is. I still have to allow a lot of time for being observant, to allow for change. I am sure something else is out there waiting for me and I have to allow for that to happen.

Today is Good Friday; I am going to get outside and get some exercise, follow my practice of healthful eating and go to my new job with new people and new tasks. I guess the good thing to remember is with new stuff comes new learning opportunities, I am all about new learning opportunities.

Are there Frayed Edges in the spring, everything is so new and fresh, how could there be. Easter and Spring offers a time to heal those frayed edges with a beautiful display of color, vibrant scents in the garden and possibly if we try very hard a chance to practice new tasks, new disciplines that allow the frayed edges to smooth out.

Not to sound moopy, those frayed edges will unravel again, probably tomorrow a new one with show itself in such an ugly spot. But just for today, even if it is for an hour or two, I am going to relax and enjoy spring, its fresh start, my fresh start, and the smoothness I am experiencing at this moment.

Spring time fun: Blossoms, Bubbles and Kites

2006-04-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

I find myself on the grounds of the Washington monument at 7 am on a Saturday, surrounded by friends, and Kites! What more fun can one woman have.

Oh yes, I made chocolate chip cookies, and snickerdoodles.

The past few weeks I have become a tourist in my home. And it is the perfect time of year to do that.

Springtime in DC and the living is wonderful. Time with friends, time alone.

Friday March 31 I got up early and headed downtown with Husband to see the cherry blossoms. WHAT a show!

Then the next day I headed to southern Maryland to help with my friends who were hosting a Kite Festival.

All I did was show up and reaped the benefits of friendships, food and fun.

In my I have no ideea what comes next attitude, I am loving watching the world unfold around me.

There is nothing better than to watch a child run around on a warm spring day with a handmade kite! Or wake up early and do a power walk under the most amazing natural beauty of PINK trees! Oh yeah the monuments aren't bad either.

I am loving spring. Still eating healthy, walking every day. And waiting for what comes next!

Enjoy spring, be present in the moment.

Making Art from Frayed Edges

2006-03-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

I had to get back to creating something tangible. I needed to work with Frayed Edges! My quilts often have frayed edges just like me. I couldn't think of anything I needed to work on that had any real significance, so I decided to work with the materials that came from my mothers apartment. Mom had 3 or 4 pieces of silk, must have been 30 years old. Some lovely and then she had this black and red and grey silk. I had so much potential! Another was a brown flowered piece. Both said USE ME! They had been waiting around for way too long. Other materials I used were mom's cashmere sweaters. Mom must have had 20 sweaters, most were unwearable, but wonderful fonder for creating something fun. I started by cutting up the sweaters to make quilt blocks. Soon I will have a comforting cashmere throw. Then from the sleeves I turned them into cashmere boas! How fun is that. I am not sure how my mother would feel about that, she was pretty conservative. The boas are especially fun because they are so beige, but, then a surprise of red and orchid. Those were Mom's one bit of color in her standard neutral wardrobe. After playing for awhile, I just realized there was a portrait in them. The sweater ribbing became the hair, buttons for eyes and earrings. Perfect portraits of mom. She would like to be remembered in cashmere.

A long time ago my mother painted a portrait of my sister, it was wonderful. But when I looked at her use of color, she had used a bit of green in my sisters hair. Surprised, shocked, I asked mom about it. She said to me, look at your own hair ( I was maybe 12) and tell me if you don't see every color in the rainbow in hair. She was right. I learned to be an artist from my mother. I learned to have an artist eye about color and composition from my mother. She had a great eye for art and color. She left me that legacy.

Learning about someone after they have died is so different than dealing with them when they are with you. But I am remembering all of the now. My mother loved her home and growing flowers. So I leave you with mom's cashmere and silk flower pots.

Smoothing the Frayed edge

2006-03-13T04:55:00.000-08:00

The challenge to me now is to find new ways to pay attention. That is my thought for today, Monday the 13th of March. But Last week I focused on smoothing and soothing. I needed a recharge and even some cleansing of the spirit. I know I wanted to take care, rest and nuture my private life. For weeks I focused on my mother, my family and my responsibilities. Now I needed a little down time to let go of all of it.

Basically I found out I wasn't sure I knew how to do that. But I tried a few things. One is not eating, that may sound harsh, but for so long I cooked, ate, dined, celebrated and did it again! Now I just wanted to take the emphasis off of that. With the letting go of emotions I know finding a way to a healthier me was at the core. Being a culinary professional is a struggle to understand the need for food and the desire to eat healthy. I just want to eat all the time.
So for one week I tried not to eat. I liked that.

Second; I tried to find myself in the fray. Where was I? I am still lost in the wake of my mothers dying, and that will shape me. Who will I be at the end of this transformation. It being Lent in the Christian church gives me a perfect time to ask God who I am going to be. Asking and listening to God, allowing Him to transform me.

Want I did was; I went into the woods to see if I was there. I think, for me, leaving what is familiar is a way to see what else I know. What else might be inside of me that the comfort of my house might be covering. So with the wonderful weather, I went to a favorite place, the Billy Goat trail along the Potomac River. It was a great walk. I didn't challenge myself to much just enough to feel good about myself. Transformation doesn't take place in one afternoon, but what I need to remember is that this is a process. I am a process person, I love to be in part of the process. So just being in the moment was what I needed to enjoy. Not that I walked 1 mile or 5.

I knew outside is what I needed so I headed to the Eastern Shore of Maryland, another favorite place. I started in a nature refuge, watching birds and turtles enjoying the brilliant spring weather. I needed to see water, possibly put my feet into water other than my bathtub. It was reviving, beautiful and what I needed. I went into unfamiliar territory and explored. I asked myself serious (could I live in a small town?) and silly (why do ducks all swim in the same direction) questions as I drove the backroads of small towns. Seeing the water of the marsh's and the bay did soothe the Frayed Edge, being alone was soothing.

And I did put my feet in the icy waters, ( it is march ) of the Chesapeake. Just for a minute, that was thrilling- literally!

I am still trying to live in the moment. I am making more plans this week than I did last week. But my goal is to focus on my over all health, that means exercise. I will take advantage of the nice weather and get outside again today. I have found new sights to see, new walks to become familiar treks. Oh and I also need a job. That must be all part of the transformation.

So back to today, my Lenten reading asks me this, 'find new ways to pay attention, listen to what God is saying to me.' For many months I had to pay attention to my mother and what she needed, but now I need to find what I need. I know this is a transformation period and I am pleased to be in each moment.

Sorting through the Fray, or who gets the teacups.

2006-03-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

I have received more advice in the past 10 days, then I think I have received in the previous 10 months. But the most important was from my friend and cooking colleague, Lynn. She said to me as I was fretting about my family and their arrival; 'Susan, does it really matter who gets the teacups!' In just that voice!

What a piece of advice, it has been a matra in the past 4 days as we, my sister and brother and I had to make difficult decisions in "the disposition of her estate" a legal term, for 'who gets the teacups'. For me, the tragedy has been that my mother loved her stuff, and spent the better part of the last few years worrying about her stuff. As we sorted through papers in boxes we found receipts for furniture, paintings and jewelry, some very special. But what came glaring at me, was its 'value.' This really was used stuff, aged, stained and out of style that we disposed of to a used furniture dealer for a pittance! My mothers treasures came up to little less than used stuff, on an estimator eyes, and evaluation.

Please understand, we did look at and discuss very single item. All of us packed boxes of treasures to take home. But at the end of the day, we all had our own used stuff, furniture, we have houses full furniture, and did we need another lamp?

Some of the furniture spoke of mom, her style. And there is a part of me that wanted everything that was in that apartment. I wanted to keep that what she valued. Which leads to another phrase I remember this week is; " Honor your ancestors, and inspire your grandchildren." I want to do that, more so now than ever before. But does keeping her dresser do that?

So that last matra I used this week came to me in church on Ash Wednesday. It is from the Bible; Matthew 6 "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break in and steal. But, store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasures is, there you heart will be also."

I will treasure my mothers 2 Irish china teacups that she drank coffee from every day, and I will treasure wearing the jewelry that my mother accumulated through the years. But more than that I will treasure the love and friendship I have felt through this challenging time.

One last thing, as we were getting ready to leave the apartment, stuff sorted and packed, I grabbed a silly pink chair my mother had in her bedroom. Pink silk, I don't think she ever sat in it, but I will, I will sit in it next week.

Who got the teacup's? WE all did, we got our own individual treasures and memories of mom. Some were wrapped up and packed to ship, some we will treasure in our heart.

Frayed and Exposed

2006-02-22T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today at 10:40 am my mother passed away. FOR the first time I can say I really know what passed away means. I sat in a hospital room and watched her take her last breath. She was tired and slowly left us. Two days ago we were planning on moving my mom to a Skilled Nursing Center, to recover from major surgery. Three days ago we brought her a chicken quesadilla, and she ate it. How quickly life changes.

The call came a 4:30 am, from the doctors saying mom needed special procedure and needed to be moved to ICU. I knew I had to get to the hospital. Once I got there I was told the situation was great, but she could recover. The doc asked me to give them a half an hour to treat her and they would come get me. One hour later I went looking and found the doctor coming for me. She was in tears! Her words were 'I can't believe how badly this turned so quickly!" In such a short time she went from lucid and talking to unconscious and in cardiac arrest. She was at this point asking me what I wanted. She had already 'coded'. It was 7:30 am.

By 8:30 she was stabilized but beyond recovery and now I was being asked questions I really couldn't comprehend, such as, keep her alive artificially and other questions I can't remember. I was escorted in an ICU cubicle, there were 35- 40 people around. It was so scary, I know they all were watching me, but I was okay enough to say the Lords Prayer.

Within the hour my husband and my wonderful friend and priest Patty Downing showed up, more prayers and tears. I couldn't have made it without them. I was asked more questions that Patty and Paul were able to help me understand and get some sort of answer out of me.

After Patty gave last rights, we sat there, and talked. I assured mom that everything would be okay. We even made a few lame attempts at humor. Patty told mom that angels in the snow were here to take her to heaven. I don't know what happens when someone passes. Does their spirit linger, was she arguing with God, I am not READY yet! But we told her to relax that everything was going to be fine, she would be fine, and we would be fine. I assured her it was okay to let go.

I was scared out of my mind, but couldn't think of anything else I could do. I couldn't let her go alone. As often as I get mad at my husband I was so glad he was there with me, we both were totally freaked out by the experience, but still fascinated. I am so thankful I got to be there. It was so hard, but I knew I was able to sit there and offer her peace in the very last minutes of her life.

As the meds, that had stabilized her wore off, her heartbeat slowed. It went dropped rather quickly and then stopped. Her breathing was being regulated by a machine, but the nurse assured me that she was breathing a bit on her own. I struggled between watching her and watching all the machines that kept her alive. A kind doctor came a stated that she had passed. I was calm, so much calmer than the hour before. She was quiet, still. It was scary it was awesome.

The last few months have been full of ups and downs in and outs, and of course Frayed Edges. Being with someone in the hospital is a miserable experience, but not as miserable as it is for the person in the hospital bed. I learned so much from this experience, I am still. I am still with the hugeness of it.

I am sill not sure where my head is, I am pretty tired but afraid to sleep. Life is so precious. I don't know what I can offer anyone reading this, except I am glad I was there. I hope she found comfort we offered, and I pray she sleeps with angels tonight.

Cherry chocolate chip cheesecake brownies

2006-02-14T05:23:00.000-08:00

Can anything else be crammed into that recipe!

I was supposed to teach a baking class, but when I woke up Sunday morning this is what my world looked like! Twelve inches of snow!

I have well over 3 pounds of chocolate, about a gallon on assorted dairy products, and well what else could you do BAKE!

Going to the hospital today, will take these truly decadent brownies with me for the staff.

The secret to any great dessert, or really any great anything, is starting with great ingredients.
I used the best dark chocolate I could find. I used an bittersweet block chocolate, and unsalted butter. The secret to any good food is unsalted butter, it is fresher and adds a much cleaner taste to what you make. Concerned about animal fat. Don't make these brownies. Maybe one day I will add a low fat brownie to my collection, but not today.

Pan size I used a 1/2 sheet pan - 12 1/2" by 18" with 1 inch side.
I like to butter my pan, cover the bottom with parchment paper and then butter the parchment.

Brownies
8 ounces butter
8 ounces bitter sweet chocolate
4 large eggs
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 teas. Baking powder
1/2 cup chocolate bits
Cheesecake layer:
1 pound cream cheese
1 cup sugar
4 ounces butter, unsalted
4 eggs
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup flour
3 ounces chocolate bits
3 ounces dried cherries
Frosting
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup cherry jam- strained to be clear
4 ounces chocolate- bittersweet
2 ounces butter

preyed oven to 350 F 15 minutes
Prepare pan.

Make cheesecake recipe first and set aside to wait for brownies

1. Cream in electric mixer cream cheese and sugar and butter. Allow about 5 minutes to combine and become light.
2. Add eggs two at a time beat in thoroughly.
3. Add flour and stir to combine
4. Add cream and stir again.
5 Add chocolate bits and cherries. Set
Make brownies
1. Melt butter and chocolate slowly to prevent burning melt over hot water, stir to combine.
2. In a large mixing bowl combine sugar and eggs.
3. Stir in flour and baking powder, and chocolate bits.
4. Stir in chocolate mixture, blend all together.
5. Spread brownie mixture in bottom of prepared pan, use spatula to reach corners.
6. Pour cheese cake mix over, use butter knife and stir slightly to create a marble effect.
7. Bake for 35-40 minutes. Allow to cool in fridge, thoroughly, before pour frosting on top. Cut cold with hot clean knife
Frosting,
Melt all ingredients in pan on a low temp. Stir. Spread over surface.
These are very rich brownies- makes 24 2 inch brownies, serve cool but not right out of the fridge. ENJOY!

Finding your history

2006-02-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

These are photos I found today while cleaning up my collections.

The far left is my Grandmother Maria Ruiz, next is my mother Alice. The photo of my grandmother must have been taken in the 60's or 70's and of my mom in the early 30's. Now my mom is 88. I tried to take her picture today while she is recovering in the hospital, but no way.
I will have to find a recent photo of her, because she looks so much like my grandmother now. Is that what I am going to look like when I am 70 or 80? Probably.

I am making history now, with my own kids, and refreshing their knowledge with pictures of people that they belong too! They are part of this family too.

This is a fun snow day activity....and it has started to snow!!!

Buttermilk Cake and a Snow Day

2006-02-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

Sitting at home waiting to see if is going to snow enough to cancel my class tomorrow. I have baked, and preped now and ready for this class, but IF we get 10 inches of snow- in DC the world will stop.

Last night I made this wonderful cake- Buttermilk Cake. It is a real American Style cake, almost a pound cake, very rich and buttery. DON'T try to skimp on this recipe. This cake is dense and almost chewy. I made three 8 inch layers from this recipe, then made some cupcakes for the nurses in the hospital.
Try it....BUT USE real buttermilk, not fat free buttermilk. This cake a sweet quality. For my class I was going to make a carmelized banana topping. I am not a frosting person. But here I made a simple cream cheese frosting. That has a bit of tang to contrast the sweet cake.

Buttermilk Cake PAN SIZE 2 9 inch deep pans- this is important

1 cup butter, unsalted 4 cups cake flour
3 cups sugar, white 2 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp vanilla 1 tsp baking soda
6 eggs 1/4 tsp salt
2 cups buttermilk

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare pan by buttering and dusting with flour.
2. Cream in heavy duty electric mixer, butter and sugar until it is light, almost white, about 5 minutes. Add vanilla. 3. Beat in eggs two at a time until a creamy yellow consistency. 4. While butter nd sugar are creaming, sift the dry ingredients together in a large enough bowl to hold all ingredients. ONCE the butter/sugar/egg mixture is creamed, 5. now you are going to add the butter mix to dry ingredients alternating with the buttermilk in three parts. This will be a dense stiff mixture. It is important to stir in the butter then the buttermilk to create a great creamy batter. THE BATTER WILL BE STIFF. 6. Divide equally into prepared cake pans. 7. Bake 35 minutes until golden brown. 7. To test for doneness insert a clean pick to middle of cake, remove, it should be clean, another test is if the cake is firm and pulling away from the sides of the pan.

NOTE: Each pan varies, fill pan no more than 2/3 full, any extra batter can be made into cupcakes.
This is a great cake along, with fruit topping or a chocolate topping,
IT IS A SNOW DAY - BAKE A CAKE

Frayed Edges; Mom

2006-02-09T20:20:00.000-08:00

Frayed Edges; you have when you are a parent and you get them whenever a family member needs you more than you think you can give. The picture above is of my mother Alice Ruiz previously. It was probably taken around 1938, or before. She was probably 18-19, today she is 88.

Mom has frayed edges, she is pretty sick, trying to survive a third round of surgery in as many months. This is her 6th stay in the hospital. I am pretty sure she is pretty tired and terribly scared. I know I am.

When your children grow up they encounter injuries, my boys had broken limbs, stitches, car wrecks, and worse. But as frayed around the corners I became, I still held hope. They were young and hopefully they could make it to adult hood, and then eventually take care of me.

Even as I write that, I cringe, for now, because I don't want them to have to take care of me the way I am taking care of my mother. For the past few months, my sister and I struggled with legal issues, monetary issues, and health issues. All the while we have been fighting her about letting us help her.

Now we are struggling to find answers to questions like what comes next, will she rally will she recover. At 88 and the level of illness she is dealing with , neither of us know. And then there is the question of who do you tell, and what do you say. Come now and see her, or you may not. That is pretty harsh.

But I guess that is the answer, life is harsh, life has frayed edges....At least mine does right now.

Valentines lots of fun ...

2006-02-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

I have been making valenitnes! Lots of Valentines. I have sewn and pasted, cut and woven....Lots of valentines, and I have had a great time.

Why do we give valentines, a token of love and affection. A keepsake. Would a hallmark card or any store bought card be considered a keepsake.

I am having a hard time figuring out why we keep things at all. They just become stuff, and the stuff becomes clutter.

But that is an entire different conversation.

Here are some other valentines. I made fifty in all. Ask to see more. I my life of FRAYED EDGES, I am attempting to sell these beauties.

Pictures of ATC

2006-01-28T06:42:00.000-08:00

These are my ATC's, I painted the background fabric, each are individually created and quilted.

ATC's and The Power of Friends

2006-01-28T06:10:00.000-08:00

I have been sick all week, home alone feeling sorry for myself. My only solace is that I get to see my firends this weekend. Hoping to get healthy enough to expose myself to people I care about.
I almost got through winter without catching a cold. But just when you think you are out of the risk, well, there you go. POW sick. Down, knock out.
When do you go to a doctor, when are you being a whiner?
I don't know any of these answers! But after 7 days of pjs, I am ready for a new view.
And yes I have been in PJ for almost 7 days! A Cold my left foot, this has been as bad as pneunomia, but it is just a cold, I did take myself to a doctor after 4 days of misery. I guess I just want confirmation that I was dying, and the green junk oozing out of my sinus and cough was not my brains.
So today I join my favorite people for friviolity and fondue.

Completing work! Yes I did manage to get a lot of sewing time in while in PJ's. I completed a serires of Fiber ATC. What is a ATC, it means Artist Trading Card.
A card, just like the old bubble gum card, same size. But a little piece of art!
I am participating in a swap of these cards, all fiber artists.

Sometimes the swaps are simple artist inspired, more often there is a theme. I have made ocean themed, heart themed, Kite themed, california themed. All fun.
The most fun is to give someone a little piece of art, and then get one back -
SWAP

This months theme is flora and fauna, specifically from your state or region. I live in MD and I LOVE Black Eyed Susans. Simple unassuming flower. Then I include the oriole, our state bird. Take a look.

Completing a project

2006-01-19T14:39:00.000-08:00

Completing a project!

Completing a project, is like having your kid graduating from college, (although I wish I knew that feeling) It is such a feeling of relief! Wow I did it,

This week my goal was to complete a vase for the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore MD. They are having a fundraising event this weekend and asked local artist to CREATE, using a vase as a blank canvas. I hemmed and hawed about it. I could do this, I could do that, but eventually you have to commit to a project and get it done! I looked at the calendar blocked some time to work on the project. These are a series of photos,

This is the blank canvas, It is about 18 inchs high, sturdy ceramic. My challenge was what to do? I could paint it, or apply fabric to it, but wait, I am a quilt artist. So I had to make a quilt.

Again a challenge. How to make a soft flat product become a shaped, HARD object, and of course, adhere something to the ceramic surface.

I made a quilt, then turned it into a sleeve, slid it over the vase, glued and prayed.

My quilt had lots of Frayed Edges.

The fabric is from another quilt in progress, and the quilt just made itself. The fabric is vintage silks, dupioni silks, and fancy fabrics. I raw edged appliqued them on a batt.

It was interesting and challenging. So that is why making art is like rasing a kid. You have to pay alot of attention, nuture it along the way, then make sure you have done all you can, within the time you have it.

Then set it free!

Comfort Food for the Frayed Edge

2006-01-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

Do pets have a frayed edge, I don't think so. This is Raja, my kitty, and Wiley, our lab. They are about comfort. Today is a holiday, I have work to do. I will publish those pictures later...A vase for American Visionary Art Museum. Yes I am an artist. I will get to that. But more about food, especially becasue we are trying to eat healthy.

I have worked around food and specifically in food service for over 25 years. I didn’t think I was going to be a chef! It wasn’t in my vocabulary in the 1970’s. Girls didn’t become chefs, they became mothers, or at the very least Home ec teachers. So my career choice was food and nutrition in 1973 as I set out to college. I knew I wanted to be around food, but wasn’t sure what shape that would take. But I was food and eating obsessed.

Being a chef, the question is asked of some professions; is your career a choice or a calling? Does any one have a choice in their profession? Or does it happens because of many conscious and unconscious choices. I always talk with culinary students or interested students about their goals for working in the culinary industry. I ask them that standard question, ‘where do you see you’re self in five or ten years.’ It was always an interesting question especially because I have never had that foresight! My career has had more twisted and turns, and many Frayed Edges

By the time I was reading, I was reading cookbooks. My mother was not much of a cook. She cooked to feed her family. We ate standard 60’s meals, meatloaf, spaghetti, and a pork chop dish that my brother and sister and I loved. Today I would never cook it for my family! Nor would I want it if I thought about comfort food.

This is an approximation of that recipe: Good or bad, I can still remember that smell of this meal being prepared.
Pork Chops and Rice
4 – 6 loin pork chops
1 tb oil
2 – beef bouillon cubes
1-2 tomatoes, sliced in rings
1 yellow onion, sliced in rings to equal the number of pork chops
1 green pepper sliced in same amount of rings
3 cups water
1 ½ cups white rice.

Mom would brown the pork chops, and then placed the bouillon cubes in the pan, added the water and then AND THIS WAYS IMPORTANT, placed a slice of onion, tomato, green pepper on top of each chop. Add the rice, brought to a boil, then reduced to a simmer. Once the pork was over cooked then dish was devoured!

I remember eating this meal not too many years ago, what I once thought was a wonderful meal was was salty, dry and boring. The vegetables were overcookedbut and the rice was tasty. This was a most favored meal; I think we ate it weekly.

Mom made it in an electric fry pan. I am not one for single use tools, such as an electric skillet, or their modern day equivalent, the crock pot.
I am not sure if I have any menu standards, or if my family could state a menu they remembered I make regularly. I am so spur of the moment, or inspired by the season. Plus we have become much more sophisticated eaters. Today that pork chop recipe would include exotic seasoning, or at the very least garlic. The rice might become risotto, creamy with cheeses and spiked with white wine. But as I sit here I can visualize that dish, always symmetrical, with the pork chops assembled in the pan, rings of vegetables placed in perfect piles topping like a crown!

Today I am making a fresh pork ham, stuffed with Jamaican Jerk seasoning that has been marinating for 12 hours. I used to make jerk seasoning, but today I used a bottled brand. I intend to roast the 10 pound ham for about 5 hours maybe longer. I want the meat to be permeated with the herbs, pepper and garlic. Hopefully a son or two will come over to eat it.
Menu today

Slow Roasted Fresh Ham
Sautéed Sweet Potatoes and apples
Steamed Broccoli

Then of course the ham bone will become soup. Now that’s comfort food for today’s cold weather and tired my families frayed edge.

Being a chef

2006-01-15T13:41:00.000-08:00

If anyone ever tells you they are a chef, if can mean one of many things. But in my world a chef means you have managed a staff of temperamental people, a facility full of volatile equipment and feed a lot of impatient and passionate customers. Oh, that means that they all have Frayed Edges too!

That chef could have cooked in a restaurant, an office building, a catering company, a hotel or a dozen other businesses. I have cooked in most of them; I was more successful in some than I was in others. But cooking for the public is all the same, even when you cook in a soup kitchen. I was the executive chef and director of the nation’s largest perishable food recovery program in the United States.

I have cooked for lots of different people. Cooking for me is an act of faith. I am not the best recipe follower, I am very creative and like to take chances with food. Cooking for family and friends is probably the most satisfying because you do get the satisfaction of feeding someone you care for. That isn’t always the point when you cook for a living. That means a career is a way to create an income, to finance your lifestyle or in some cases to be popular or a star. As I write this I am watching the Food Network. Those people may have been cooks, but now they are stars, media people.

I am a cook, I feed people. Feeding is an act of nurturing for me, that is why cooking in a ‘soup kitchen’ was so satisfying. Teaching cooking is another big part of me. It comes down 'to give a man a fish,' type of thing. I love to share my passion with others.

Friends are sometimes sorry when we dine together; they often get a culinary lesson of one sort or another. I have taught in store fronts, in cooking schools, adult education and in culinary colleges. I love to walk with someone and I\ignite their passion for cooking. And I guess that this that art part.

The art to becoming a chef is to learn about yourself, your personal history, your culture and transfer that into food, or a meal. To a real chef this happens without knowing it, there are ‘chefs’ that cook masterfully, but without soul, I THINK they are technicians.

And that is okay too. I like the art part.

This picture is in 2000 with President William Jefferson Clinton we cooked together! Some people get to talk about the famous people they served! Me, I get to talk about who I cooked with!

Frayed Edge

2006-01-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

HI, Welcome to my Blog. I am Susan Callahan Dugard, (I am the one on the right. My sister is next to me,) and I have a Frayed Edge. I am a fiber artist and a chef, a wife, a mother, a sister and a daughter . Sometimes these personalities merge, and sometimes they travel on seperate orbits. But most often they all have a frayed edge.

I guess the first question you might ask is what do I have to say, and I am not sure, but I can tell you that from each of these personalitites (wife, chef, artist, mother) I will comment.

The Frayed Edge, is going to be about that merging of personalities, eachl replete with frayed edge. and sometimes I think they are 'a friad edge'. I could comment of being afraid of all those personalities.

But let me start with what is most frayed....my art and my life work as a chef.